Archive for 2017

I just spent weeks staring into mirrors including the ones in my apartment. So far nothing so I'm beginning to think it has to do with particular mirrors and not just any mirror, or maybe there's something I'm supposed to do to activate a mirror.

Today I'm skipping class and going to one of those New Age bookstores downtown. Maybe I can find a spell or something that will help me turn one of my mirrors into a portal.

I've never been to one of these shops before, truthfully I've always avoided them. I have enough paranormal in my life without reading about it. But then I didn't know what the dreams meant or that I was traveling to the world of the fae. Now I've got this whole puzzle to figure out and apparently if I want to save Sarah and break her curse I need to find a damned mirror or figure out how to bespell one so it will open a portal. I think I'm about to lose my mind!

The shop is called BeSpelled New Age Book Shoppe and sits on a corner by itself. There's a broom over the doorway so I suspect that though it's called a New Age store, the owner must be a witch. The door is painted a deep purple and outside walls are painted black. As I cross the street and walk to the front door my eyes are drawn to a set of beautiful golden eyes starting from a cute black face. Apparently the shop has a resident cat.

I've been waiting for you.

I look around, expecting to see someone, but there's no one but the cat in the window whose eyes meet mine.

"No freakin' way!" I whisper beneath my breath.

Stop dilly dallying Leilani, I need to show you something, hurry up and come inside.

With those words the cat jumps down from the window and disappears. As I reach out grab the handle and holding down the old fashioned button on top, I push. Bells tinkle merrily. The door is heavier than I expected and I shut it carefully once I'm inside. I can't believe I'm doing this, or that a black cat is talking to me.

I feel something brush up against me and when I look down, the black cat is winding around and around my feet, rubbing up against my legs the entire time. Then it stops and sits in front of me.

I'm Sam, Barbara's familiar. I can help you with your quest.

I crouch down still staring into the cat's beautiful golden eyes. "Hello Sam. I can use the help, thank you." I mean what else am I going to say to a telepathic sentient cat?

Sam's fur looks so soft I reach out and begin petting him. A low rumbling purr rolls out of him and his eyes close in ecstasy. Mmmmm...that's wonderful. Don't stop!

I giggle at his words then a shadow falls across us.

"I see you found Leilani, Sam." A woman's amused voice breaks into Sam and I's getting to know each other petting.

I look up and find a smiling red haired woman with bright kelly green eyes. She's wearing a beautiful forest green long sleeved velvet blouse with a long black broomstick skirt and black fringed ankle boots. Pentagram earrings and necklace are her only adornments.

"I"m Barbara, and I see you've already met Sam, Leilani."

I give Sam one more pet and quick rub under his chin for good measure and then I stand up. "Hello Barbara. Well clearly you know who I am, though I have no idea how that's the case."

"Why don't you come in the back for a cup of tea and I'll explain. Come along, Sam, I have some tuna for you. You were right about Leilani coming today, and you deserve a reward."

Yum! Tuna!

I laugh at Sam's thoughts and watch as Barbara turns her sign from Open to Closed. That might have made me nervous with other people, but there is something about Barbara's energy that puts me at ease. This woman means me no harm.

I follow her to a doorway towards the back that has filmy curtains covering it in shades of purple and indigo with small silver dots all over reminding me of a midnight sky that I saw once when visiting the desert.

Behind the curtains was a small kitchen with a table and chairs. The whole set up was magical and someone had painted the table and chairs to match the midnight sky of the curtains covering the doorway. The walls had fairy, elf and forest murals reminding me of some of the fantasy art I'd seen online.

The small stove was a mellow yellow color and above it was a microwave on a shelf. Next to the stove was a small refrigerator and to the right was a sink with a cupboard above and below.

"I like to do a little baking in here sometimes." Barbara said as she filled two coffee mugs with water and put them in the microwave to heat. "What kind of tea do you like? I have just about every flavor."

"Do you have peppermint?"

"Of course. Do you take any sweetner?"

"A little honey." I answered.

Barbara put out a ceramic container with tea bags in it and a small pot of honey and two teaspoons before she turned and went to the small refrigerator and took out a pouch of Bumblebee Tuna. "Do you want me to warm this up, Sam?"

Sam tilted his head to one side as though thinking. Cold is fine.

"Very well then." Barbara emptied the pouch of tuna onto a small plate and set it on the floor for Sam. I watch as he runs across the floor and begins daintily eating the tuna. Mmmmm....mmmmmm....tuna!

"He really loves tuna, doesn't he?"

"Oh, yes. Sam is a rescue. I found him when he was a kitten at the local shelter. No one else realized he was telepathic because they didn't know how to listen for him. Most people don't, but you do, don't you?"

"I guess. I didn't know I knew how to listen for him until he first talked to me."

"Ah, a latent sensitive. That's not unusual. Animals have a way of waking latents up to their gifts."

"What's a latent?" As I speak, the microwave dings and Barbara goes to retrieve the two mugs of hot water.

"A latent is someone with powers who doesn't know they have powers or how to use them."

"I don't have any powers." I deny what she's saying. If I had powers, I'd use them to rescue Sarah and break her curse. I'm just me, and it's a fluke that I can hear Sam.

Barbara sets a mug down in front of me and gestures to the tea bags, pointing to one that has a green wrapper that says Peppermint on the front. I reach forward and grab it,easily tearing the top off and pulling out the teabag. I drop it into the water and watch as the light brown color swirls through the water slowly.

"Yes, you do. You may not know how to use them yet, but you do have them. Sam and I can help you hone them so you can help Sarah."

How does she know about Sarah? "How do you.." But Barbara cuts me off. "I'm a generational witch and a seer. I saw Sarah and know that she has been cursed by the false face."

"What's a seer?"

"A seer is someone who gets glimpses of other places, events, times, the future and other things. It's complicated." Barbara tore open her own teabag, Jasmine, and dumped the teabag in her water.

My mind swirls with ideas and thoughts. Is that why I can see Sarah and the fae realm in my dreams, am I also a seer?

"No dear, you're not a seer. You only see Sarah and her surroundings in your dreams."

"How?"

"How did I know what you were thinking?" I nod. "Well, you were broadcasting your thoughts rather loudly, and the look on your face kind of said it all."

"So, how come I can see her and her realm?"

"You have Fae blood."

My mind goes blank for a minute. There's no way that's possible. My dad is Native Hawaiian, and my mom's family is originally from Ireland. I mean I know fairies and fae stories are from Ireland, but...that's just not possible.

"How is that possible?"

"The same way it's possible for you to hear Sam, and see the fae realm and talk to Sarah. You believe that what you're seeing in your dreams is real, right?"

"Well, yeah, I think so. I mean it has to be, right?"

"You're not sure, are you?"

I shrug. "I don't know, sometimes I'm absolutely certain, and others I think I'm losing my mind. I've had the dreams about Sarah my entire life. I didn't know what they meant, and then I had a dream where I was able to interact with her, and talk to her. That changed everything." I shake my head.

I feel something touch my leg and look down to find Sam with his paw on my leg. It is all real, Leilani, don't doubt yourself.

"Sam, you have no idea how out there this is for me."

Sam starts grooming himself now that he has my attention. It's the so-called real world that is unreal, Leilani. What you perceive as the real world is the illusion.

"That doesn't make sense." I say.

"Actually, Sam is right. Most of us go about our daily lives ignoring or not seeing because we don't want to, what is actually there. I saw you in visions visiting this shop for the last year, and a year before that, Sam told me that a young woman named Leilani was going to need our help. Drink your tea Leilani, before it gets cold." Barbara nodded to my cup.

I remove my tea bag and set it on a plate Barbara had set next to my cup when I wasn't paying attention. Then I take the little pitcher of honey and pour some into my cup, then stir it with my teaspoon before taking a sip. It was actually just right, not too hot, and not lukewarm. I take another sip or two thinking.

"So, how do I help her, how I do break the curse?"

I watch as Barbara drinks her tea and thinks. "I can't do it for you." She says finally.

Sure, of course she can't do it for me, that would be too easy, wouldn't it? I sigh, and put my cup down. "That figures. Can you teach me what I need to do and know to help her?"

Barbara looks thoughtful. "I believe so. I don't know fae magic, but I believe I can show you the witch way and the magic in your bloodline will do the rest. Who knows we may even alert one of your relatives and he or she can help you the rest of the way."

Now that really boggles my mind. Fae relatives? I don't even know if I believe her that I have fae blood, let alone the ability to contact relatives in the fae realm.

"Well, we won't know until we try. I think all of this is enough of a shock for one day. Why don't you finish your tea and then go to class. I know you have one this afternoon, though you skipped your morning class to come here."

I stare at her. Apparently there will be no secrets. I shrug, finish my tea in a few quick gulps and stand. "When can I come back?"

"Tomorrow is fine, dear, but don't skip your classes. Those lessons are just as important as what I will teach you. I know tomorrow is a light day for you, so come in the early afternoon and we'll begin your lessons in turning mirrors into portals."

"Any mirror?"

"Yes, the old immortal woman failed to tell you or learn herself for that matter, that any mirror can be turned into a portal. Being able to turn any mirror into a portal and being able to direct where that portal goes makes it easy to return home if things become too dangerous."

"You know about her too, huh?"

"Yes." Barbara said gently. "She didn't tell you her whole story. Her curse is easily solved but she is afraid of the solution and so instead refuses to do what must be done."

I open my mouth to ask more questions, but the older woman shakes her head. "Tomorrow, Leilani, tomorrow. You need to go or you'll miss your afternoon class. Sam and I will be here tomorrow."

She surprises me by giving me a quick gentle hug. I find I don't want to leave but clearly it's time to. I reach down and rub Sam under his chin and then leave following the path I used to come into the store earlier. Tomorrow is another day.

I can't leave Sarah to her fate, and I believe deep down that she doesn't want me to. But how do I really enter the realm of the Fae? I have always been interested in the paranormal, kind of hard not to be when something paranormal has been happening to me all my life. I mean what would you do, if you knew that someone from some place else needed help? Would you just throw up your hands and say, "I can't do it, it's too hard?" Me either.

The first place I can think to go is the library on campus. I don't have internet in my tiny apartment, I can't afford it, and though I could get online on my phone, I don't have one of those fancy smart phones, mine is purely bare bones basic. It's a pre-paid cell phone and I'm only allowed 250 MB of data each month on my plan, and you can imagine how quickly you can eat that up. Struggling college student, remember?

Honestly, I'm not even sure where to start, but maybe I can research fairy tales and portals to begin with. Then maybe curses and how to reverse them. God, I sound like someone from one of those paranormal shows like Grimm or Once Upon a Time where a human finds out the fairy tale world is real.

I find a single computer off in the corner, thank god, all I need is one of my classmates seeing this research. I sit down and go to google and begin the research. As soon as I type in the question, "What is a portal?" I get all kinds of information on computer portals, or websites that have links to other websites. Not what I'm looking for. But then I find a definition that says a portal is a gate, or doorway. But I'm not thinking about just any old portal, I need to find out how to access a portal to the Fae world. Fat chance it would be this easy.

I find another website that references going to a fairy mound and saying something along the lines of,

"Let me in, let me in." or "Open the door, open the door." But I'm in America, where am I going to find a fairy mound? I mean maybe they're here, but I wouldn't know how to find one. Another site talks about creating a garden that's inviting to the fairy folk, but I live in an apartment building so that's out.

Hours later I am still unclear as to how to get myself over to the Fae realm from my own very ordinary human world.

"Och, dearie, are ya trying ta go to the fae realm?"

I think I jump about a foot before I turn and see a wizened old lady behind me adjusting her glasses. The lenses make her eyes look very big. She is wearing a dress with a flowered pattern and has wiry white hair.

"Um, no I'm just doing research for a paper." I lie. Something about the old woman makes me nervous though I cannot put my finger on it.

"Ya must be verra careful if ya go ta the land of the Fae." She admonishes. "Tis not a safe place for humans."

Then she leans toward me. "But if yer set on goin', a mirror is the best way." She nods sagely. "Tis also the safest, and will make returning easier."

I cannot help myself. "A mirror?" I whisper. Enthralled despite myself.

"Aye, just be sure ya know where ya come out on the other side, otherwise ya could be trapped and never get back home. Unless tis what you want?" She shrugged again. "Some humans choose ta go ta the Fae realm and stay, but I dinna recommend it, no I dinna."

"Why?"

The old woman seemed to realize she may have said too much and looked around nervously. "Because dearie, time passes much differently in the Fae realm. What ya think are days, could be years, and all ya love could be gone or aged decades while ya remain young and beautiful. The realm of the Fae be nothin' to mess with, be verra verra sure this what ya want and know where ya came in so ya can get back out."

"How do you know all this?" I ask, for I have the feeling she speaks from experience.

Her eyes cloud with memories. Then she said, "How old do ya think I be?"

Is this a trick question? "I don't know, eighty, maybe?" I guess.

She straightens her shoulders. "I be three hundred and fifty-five tomorra."

I gasp. "But...that's not possible!" I declare, sure now the old woman is messing with me.

She shakes her head sadly. "It be true, dearie. A side effect of living in the realm of the Fae for years and eating their food, taking their medicines. An evil sorcerer killed my Fae lover, and cursed me to live forever. When he returned me ta the human realm, the weight of the years I'd been gone aged me me, but still I cannot die." A tear slipped down her cheek. "Do not make the same mistake I did." She whispers, before shuffling away, a cane in one hand I had not seen before.

Before I could process what she said, she disappeared into the crowd. I look for her, but it is as though she was never here..

I slump back down on my bed and watch the clock as it goes from 3:00 am to 3:01 am. What is happening to me, what are these strange dreams because now I'm not just dreaming of the girl and her wolves, but terrifying creatures that remind me of Iroquois false face masks come to life. Something is changing in my dreamscape, the current dream was not just a nightmare, and I know this deep down inside. But how is this even possible? Dreams are just that dreams, aren't they?

I throw one arm over my closed eyes. Thank God, it's early on a Saturday morning, and I have no work and no classes. I can sleep in, get up when I want and study when I want. Heck, I might even go and see a movie, no horror though!

I turn over and reaching out I make sure the alarm isn't set, I don't want to wake up at 5:00 am later on. Then I cuddle back down into my warm blankets and fortunately I easily fall back asleep.

***

What feels like seconds later, my eyes pop open. Bright sunlight nearly blinds me, as my senses are assaulted by the scents of hundreds of wild flowers. When my eyes finally adjust to the bright light I see that I am sitting in a field full of wild flowers, some of whose stalks are as tall as the top of my head.

"I've been waiting for you."

My head whips around so fast I can hear the bones in my neck crack and whiplash pain shoots down one side.

"Fuck that hurts!" I groan, my attention has been taken off the soulful voice. That is until gentle fingers pluck the muscles on the side with whiplash, and the pain begins to subside.

"I didn't mean to startle you."

I still can't see her, but I'm pretty sure who it is, especially when two wolves come romping into the wild flower field. Strangely I am not afraid of them. One of them plops down and puts his head in my lap, at least I think it's a him, before the other swipes one side of my face with his rough tongue before sitting down and cocking his head to one side as if to say, "Well aren't you going to pet me?"

I laugh, while they may be wolves, they're acting like great big puppies.

A slender hand reaches over my shoulder and begins scratching behind the ear of the wolf who is sitting in front of me. The wolf lets out a low whine of pleasure. "This is Pokey."

"Pokey?" I ask, I think that is a pretty ridiculous name for a wild wolf, but maybe she knows something I don't.

"Yes. She is always sticking her nose where it doesn't belong, hence the name Pokey."

"Ah." I say, as if it makes perfect sense.

"And this is my Darius, he's the Alpha wolf." She says, and I guess that explains why the wolf whose head is in my lap, and who has the most beautiful gold eyes I've ever seen has the majestic name of Darius.

I smile down at the wolf in my lap, "Hello, Darius." I say, gently scratching the top of his head and around his ears. He sighs, and closes his eyes.

Just so Pokey won't feel slighted I lean forward holding my hand out so she can smell it. She licks my fingers and taking that as a sign that we are friends, I rub my hand under her chin and along her chest. She lifts her head back and gives what I can only surmise is a little happy doggy groan.

The girl with me, laughs. "You keep doing that, and they're going to leave me for you." She teases.

"I very much doubt that." I smile. She is still behind me and I cannot see her face, but her voice calms me.

"There, your neck should be better now." She removes her hand from where she continued to massage the pain away.

"It is, thank you."

"You're welcome." I feel her move around me until she is sitting in front of me next to Pokey. "And I am Sarah." She holds out one hand to me and I take it, squeezing it gently. She is even more beautiful in person than in my dreams. Raven hair cascading over her shoulders and down her arms, silver eyes and blood red lips. She is like something out of my most erotic fantasies. She is wearing a black and white corset dress that pushes up her breasts and creates some of the most wonderful cleavage I've ever seen. To top it off, she has a red cape over the ensemble. On her legs are white stockings and finally black flats with some kind of small silver buckles that have beautiful round filigree carved into them.

"It was very brave of you to confront him, but I want you to promise me you will never do so again."

I laugh nervously, I didn't confront him the first time. "Are you talking about the false face man in the dark forest?"

"Yes. He's dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt. Promise me you won't confront him again."

"Sarah, I didn't confront him the first time. I'm not sure why you think that." As much as I wanted to keep touching her, I drop her hand, slightly irritated she would think I would put myself into what had clearly been great danger if her demeanor was anything to go by.

"You didn't?" She seems surprised. "But I thought..." She shakes her head.

"You thought what?" I ask belligerently.

"That you were the one. Well, damn. That is that then." She moves as though she is going to stand. Not having any idea what is going on I grab her hand again.

"Hey wait a minute. Sarah, what do you mean the one? What are you talking about?"

"There's just no help for it then." She tries to shake my hand off, but though I'm small, I'm stronger than I look.

"Uh, uh. I want some answers Sarah." I looked deeply into her eyes and I can see she is wavering. "Listen, I've dreamed of you and your wolves every day of my life for the last twenty years, there has to be a reason, so tell me."

"You have?" Her eyes blaze with the fires of hope.

"Yes, nearly every night. Last night was the first time the dream was different. I didn't consciously seek out the false face. I just found myself there. Who is he, and why did I dream of him?"

"His name is Ciprian, and he's evil as they come." She said in a voice devoid of emotion though she held my hand so tightly I heard one knuckle crack. "I don't know why you would dream of him, but you wouldn't be the first person he used dreams to trap. You need to guard your dreams better."

I could scarcely believe I was talking to the girl from my dreams in a dream as though I were not dreaming right now this very second. "How do I guard my dreams?"

"You don't know how?"

"Not really no. You see where I come from dreams aren't real, and while some people believe dreams have meaning, most do not believe they are anything more than the subconscious hashing out the problems of the day while we sleep."

"Oh, that is a very dangerous belief to have. Dreams are real, Leilani, and they are often doorways to other realms."

"I believe you, I'm dreaming right now you know."

"You believe this is a dream?"

"I know it is, though it's very real."

Sarah shook her head. "Dear, dear Leilani, this is much more than a dream. You have traveled into another realm and become caught up in a spider web of lies created by Ciprian. He is toying with you and me."

"Stop speaking in riddles, what do you mean?"

Sarah took a deep breath. "I am cursed." She whispered.

"Cursed like in the fairytales?"

"Goddess, you're from the human world, you're human!" Sarah sounds utterly shocked.

"Well, yeah. What's so bad about that?"

Sarah frames my face with soft hands. She brings her face even closer to mine. "Dear, dear Leilani, this realm is not safe for humans.You have been dreaming and visiting the realm of the Fae your entire life if you what you tell me is true, and I have no reason not to believe you. Why Ciprian would involve a human in our battle I do not know, but you must return to your world now. You cannot dream of me anymore beautiful Leilani." She leans into me and puts her soft lips against mine, "Sweet Leilani." She whispers against my lips.

I crave to taste her breath and as though she hears my thoughts she opens her lips slightly and I swipe just inside with my tongue. She is the one who is sweet. I don't want to leave her. She pulls back from me.

"Dear one, if only we had time for more. I would do such wicked lovely things to you were I not cursed. If only you were not human. I believed you were Fae, or maybe Elven, but that was one of Ciprian's tricks. I have watched you as you have watched me. If you do not heed my words, he will trap you in this realm forever, and you will share my curse. You must wake up now, Leilani, and never return to this place. Wake dear one, wake never to dream of me again. Be safe, love." The words whisper against my lips.

I try to hold onto her, the wolves, a wild flower stem, anything, but it all becomes as smoke and as I begin to wake I hear an angry growl. Then I open my eyes to the plain cream of the walls of my bedroom. I know I will not take Sarah's advice. I cannot leave her to her curse as she wishes. I will have to find some way to go to the realm of the Fae for real, but I'm scared. What if I can't find a way to help her though?

No one will believe me if I ask for help. Humans no longer believe in fairytales, or the Fae.

A tear tracks down my face to fall on my pillow.

How am I going to help Sarah? Because I know I have to try.

I'm dreaming again, I can always tell by the way I'm hyperaware of my surroundings. The forest around me is dark and quiet. Unlike a real forest, there are no sounds of animals rustling in the grasses or leaves, no hoot owls or scurrying of squirrels or chipmunks. The dark light is shading everything in blue and black. There are shadows everywhere I look, and I've never been so needy to hear even a hoot owl, or any form of life for that matter. But this forest is unlike any forest I've ever seen before, it's supernatural, maybe even preternatural, and alive in a way I can feel but can't quite explain.

Just yesterday I was waking up from my usual dream about the girl and her wolf friends, going to my classes, and my work study job and just trying to forget about it all by living my very mundane life. I should have known better, because the dreams never leave me for long.

This dream is different though. I've never been in this forest before, and I have no idea what is in store for me here. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye a shadow slips from behind a tree that is just a few feet from me. A very large tree and a very large shadow. The shadow is over six feet tall and has the shape of a man.

"You cannot have her, human."

On some level I know he is talking about the girl, the one who I've been dreaming about for as long as I can remember and whose name I don't even know.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I say flatly.

The shadow moves closer and I take another step back in self preservation.

"Oh, but I think you do, my pretty."

As I watch, the shadow hunches over, nearly in half, and the voice which has been smooth and beautiful albiet sinister turns to a harsh gravel sound. I take another step back because I have no idea at this point what I'm dealing with. Usually at this juncture in a nightmare I wake up before I can see whatever it is. Not so this night. Instead the shadow lifts a hand, and speaks a word in a language I've never heard before. A round ball of light appears above what I can now see is a brown palm. The palm lifts towards the creature's face.

I want to run, wake up, something but it's as though my feet have grown roots deep into the forest floor and I cannot move.

Run, it's not safe for you here! A soft female voice says in my mind.

The creature before me snarls as though he too hears the whispering voice.

"I knew if I brought you here, she'd come."

I stare as the ball of light reaches the creature's face and something from a horror film is revealed. The skin of it's face is twisted up in a caricature of a smiling snarl, long black matted hair frames the nightmare vision.

I am beginning to get an idea of who he is talking about. Does he mean the girl and her wolves? And what does he mean by saying he brought me here?

Do not engage him, do not speak, it is a trap, you must wake up now Leilani! The same soft, strong voice whispers in my mind.

How? I'm stuck.

No, I've freed you, wake up now, Leilani, before he traps us both!

My eyes fly open and I sit up with a gasp. When I turn my head to look at the clock it says 3:00 am.

I've been seeing her in my dreams for years, a beautiful girl with coal black hair and silver eyes. She always has two wolves with her. Are they guarding her? I don't know. Those eyes make me think she may be the more dangerous of the three. After all, who has silver eyes? Not any human I've ever met.Who is she? Again, I don't know. The dreams have been plaguing me for so long now that I don't know what to make of them. And the dreams are always the same. I'm walking in the woods, and in the distance I see her and her wolves. In the dreams they aren't walking, it's more like they suddenly take off and are in front of me. Her mercurial eyes look deeply into mine before she pulls one hand from behind her back and offers me an apple. The apple isn't a deep red color like most apples, it's almost like there's a milky white film covering the normal deep red of a red delicious apple.

She never speaks, never says anything just holds the apple out to me while her wolves look at something she is not paying attention to, and I cannot see. It's almost like a sadness enters her eyes when I don't immediately reach for the apple. Then I wake up, I always wake up.

Sweat coats my skin causing my t-shirt to stick to me in a sticky and uncomfortable fashion. The dream is always the same, and I've never been able to change it. I thought you were supposed to be able to change a lucid dream, and as aware as I always am in this dream I can never change it. Never move, never take the apple, never touch one of the wolves, never speak. I used to try and tell my parents about her, but they always said it was just a dream. But even now twenty years later I know it's not just a dream. I just don't know who she is and why she keeps appearing to me.

I push back the covers just wanting the stickiness off my skin and then I see the clock. Five am, the same damned time the damned dream wakes me up every morning. What is it about 5:00 am and this girl and her wolves. The funny thing is she always appears to be same age, early twenties, the same as me now. I wonder if she will always be that age. I wonder how I can change the dream, take the apple, pet the wolves, talk to her?

I groan as my alarm shrills ten minutes later. There's no help for it, I need to get up, shower and go to class. There are days that I hate the fact I decided to take classes in the Summer when all my friends are out partying and playing in the sun. Instead, I get to get up early go to class, go to my part-time job and then study. Ugh!

I pull myself into a sitting position and then walk into my tiny bathroom with it's tiny shower stall to turn on the water and give it a chance to heat. I chuck my t-shirt and panties and climb into the now hot shower. When I look to my little shower rack, I notice I'm nearly out of shower gel. One more thing to put on the list to buy. I sigh, sometimes being a grown up sucks. I liked it better when I could just add what I needed to my mom's grocery list and she'd buy it and I didn't have to worry about having enough money to make it through to my next work study paycheck or my next grocery clerk paycheck.

I squeeze a small amount of the gel onto my shower pouf, the strawberry scent mixing with the steam and engulfing me in the shower, sending me back to picking strawberries with my grandmother in her garden. Some days I miss Grams the most. I love my parents, but they don't understand me, not like Grams did.

I look at the clock high on the wall above the door and see that I've managed to spend fifteen minutes musing about shower gel, and Grams. I need to hurry up or I'm going to miss the bus that comes at and then where will I be? Late for my work study shift that's where. I scrub and rinse my body and hair in a hurry, and then shut off the blessed hot water and grab my favorite blue over-sized towel. I'd lucked out finding that one in a discount store. I hate small towels that barely cover you, and I really hate towels that don't wick the water off you. But that's a story for another day. Right now? Right now I need to get my shit together and get to the bus stop.

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